As a mummy of a one-piece, I don’t pretend to know much about parenting, but I have approached it as I have every other known and unknown: by leaning on God’s help for guidance. I use mostly God, some intuition, and sound advice on this fun, frustrating, and humbling parenting journey.
Our children mostly learn by emulating their parents and those in their immediate environment. My two-year-old son for some time has been pretending to talk on the phone. He started by saying just ‘hello’ and added, ‘How are you?’ over time. In typical toddler-parent fashion, we encourage his speech and repeat what he says. One day when he said hello, I asked “How are you?” He paused for a bit and with the right expression and intonation said, “I am good!” I was amused and pleased, wondering when he developed so much conversational skill.
As you can imagine, we have lots of moments like those as he develops his language skills. Another recent episode stood out. I showed him a picture that was taken while I was singing at a Sunday morning church service. He looked at it and as usual with his two-word phrases said, “That’s mummy!”, quickly followed by “Mummy’s singing”. Of course, I agreed and praised his correctness. After saying “Mummy’s singing” about two times, he said, “Mummy’s singing Jesus”. I won’t pretend that words adequately express the joy and satisfaction that were in my heart. Not only did he know who he saw and what I was doing but possibly, my joy was also tied to the fact that maybe he already understood the essence of the moment.
He is quite chatty for a 2-years and 1-month-old child so it wasn’t his words that impressed me as much as the message that settled in my heart about how children live what we model. My son is a church baby through and through and before he spoke words, he witnessed his dad and I singing at church. In fact, it is the only time during the service that he is quiet.
He was about 18 months old when he picked up a book about Jesus and said, “Read Jesus!” At such a young age, not by anything specifically his dad or I could say we did, he knew which books were about Jesus and he has never made a mistake about it.
We all emulate someone or something whether we know it or not, and we are influenced by the natural and spiritual world. We were created to be a mirror of something, so our soul desires connection and oneness to feel complete. There are mentors and people we desire to emulate in our careers and businesses. Somebody has done it or is doing it in a way that we like with outcomes that we desire for ourselves.
God designed us to follow but not just anyone or anything, we are meant to imitate Jesus and His ways. Without Jesus, people search the highs and lows of all types of divination and philosophies to feel complete. We all have prodigal tendencies, to start seeking our own lusts and God-averse desires. Jesus had cause to tell the Pharisees you are not of God but “you are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires” (John 8:44). Unknowingly, the Pharisees were emulating the enemy.
One of the best principles elucidated in the story of the prodigal son is that what he learned and was exposed to from an early age, never left him. He knew what was in his father’s house, he was aware that provision, love, and security resided in the bosom of his daddy. What was emulated and instilled never left him.
Children will follow us for the early parts of their lives. They will try on our shoes, wear our makeup, flex their muscles, and aim to be just like mom and dad. We are their first role models and mentors. Up to a certain age, everything we say and do is true. For that reason, we ought to live a life that will ground our children in the truth of who God is and His love. Not by just going to church and being part of ministry, but by showing a relationship with God, including our weaknesses which God continually covers with grace. We are not accountable for those who have abused this relationship of trust with children, but each one must be accountable for those who God placed in his/her care.
In every aspect of life, whether it’s our kids, our colleagues, or our family, we must model the behaviours we want to highlight as important. My son is at the stage where he repeats everything we say, good or bad. I cannot think of another stage in life where they are so closely following us. I published two articles some time ago titled ‘It’s Not Optional’ which specifically addressed the importance of going to church (whether child or adult). Here I am imploring you, to be to your children, all that you want them to be. We are our children’s road map not just for academics or professional advancement, but spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and in every other aspect of life.
Wherever we are called to be leaders we must be good examples; we must show up in the way we want others to show up. Even if our actions don’t reflect popular culture, those in our span of care will imitate us, even as we imitate Christ.
Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.
(Ephesians 5:1)
Love Ya!
Krystal Baynes-Hoseinee
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